Who's in Charge???

I tell my boys so many times "let me be the mommy" or "I'm the adult" or "I'm in charge", etc. etc. I would be willing to bet that there isn't a parent out there who hasn't said one of those things in some form or fashion. Well, I'm pretty sure that's what God has been saying to me the last couple of days. It's no secret that things haven't gone as I'd planned in my life. I have had to do A LOT of forgiving and overlooking and sacrificing and so on over the past year. I've had to learn to totally rely on God and his grace and strength to get through the mess that has been my life. I finally realized that it would be so much easier if I would just give it all to Him. That's not to say its easy, but I've learned I CANNOT do it on my own. This presents a problem for me.....I want to do it myself........theres no other way right??? I think we all think that a little....our way is the right way.I want to fix things and I want to make sure this is done and that is done. The problem now isn't giving it to God.....I have.....it's letting Him keep it! I keep holding on to little parts or takiing back parts so I can "fix" things. I usually do well, but I have my times when I don't. Leaving my boys when they go with their daddy is always one of those times. Before I go on I have to say that their daddy is a good daddy.....sure he hasn't made some of the best choices and has made mistakes....but who hasn't. He loves his boys and I am thankful for that because they adore him. Still it's extra hard for me because I chose none of this. Satan is soooo good at what he does. Everytime he jumps on it and starts making me think all the negative thoughts.....this isn't fair, I didn't choose this why do I have to be away from them, I'm constantly packing clothes and shipping kids back and forth, this isn't good for them they need consistentcy, why does he always get to do the fun stuff while they come home to me and have to live in the real world and clean rooms and do homework, why does his teenage girlfriend get to hang out with my kids while I sit at home without them, and I could go on and on and on. Well, yesterday was no different. We were meeting and I was actually picking them up to come home but still I was ill because it seems like thats all I do. Well, God showed up and I really felt like He told me to suck it up and quit feeling sorry for myself ;) I ran into a friend that lost his little girl in a car accident. It really hit me that he would probably rather be "sharing" her than to not have her at all. Needless to say I was extra glad to have my boys all home with me last night! Then if that wasn't enough God showed me that once again He's got this and I need to let Him do His thing! The boys were getting sick....again! I was determined that I wasn't going to ask anyone for help....I've got this remember! Well, without tons of details I had some help! I'm glad that my God is in charge and that He watches over and takes care of me!!